Wednesday, 20 August 2014
A Place of Solace
As I sit here, going through what feels like the most difficult circumstances I have found myself dealing with, I have just found solace in the last few evenings in The Twilight Saga. Having finished watching the last film this evening, my mind lingers on things in a different light.
As a Christian, I know there are many who are against these sorts of films, vampires, demons, things that are not healthy to be feeding into your mind. Whilst I truly believe in a supernatural world, one of angels and demonic powers and forces, I do watch this as if I am watching a story. I am comfortable that I am not opening myself up to something that will do me any harm.
I can see the love, for family and friends, the devotion to doing what is right, the willingness to fight for a cause and for the most part, finding a way to fit into a world when you feel like an outsider. Different to others, not being the norm, believing in something because you know it is true having experienced amazing things. Growing up with stories, teachings and personally seeing things happen that you wouldn't dream possible.
We are now, as a family, facing a season in our lives which is incredibly tough. We are making what we know are right decisions to make way for better things in the future. We are tearing down foundations that will not stand strong and rebuilding ones that will be able to withstand the incredible things God has planned for us. Right now, I feel like my brain cannot take any more, I flit from anger at my circumstances, to feeling anxious about the unknown, to feeling complete and utter supernatural peace that God is in control. I'm not going to share what this all relates to because that is on a need to know basis.
What I can share is that I am learning to trust God in a way I have never known. To put aside all my natural tendencies and desires to control and instead fall at God's feet, waiting on Him for something incredible to happen. To persevere, and stand in prayer against things that are not what feels right, to fight for even simple things knowing that justice will prevail, and that God knows every single decision made by every person involved.
My God. Who sends angels to surround us when we are at prayer meetings at our church, who brings words and pictures for others to encourage, direct and bless them. My God. Who has been before me, who knows every hair on my head, who knows my thoughts before they are formed in my head, and who knew me before I was even born. My God. Who can turn every situation around for the good, who can show mercy and grace to anyone who seeks Him, and who guides each step I take whether I know my destination or not.
My God. Who provides me with exactly what I need, when I need it. Who settles my soul, gives me peace, and is my refuge when times are hard. My God. Who doesn't make my life easy at every turn, so that I can grow and mature, and learn how to follow Him no matter what. So that I can see Him at work, and when I can't, He gives me the peace to know that His has already been before me. My God. Who provides the food on the table when we have nothing left at the end of the month, or the fuel in the car when the car is needed for work. Who lights up the darkest of places with a hope that is tangible.
The battle of being a Christian in a world where we are not the norm, where we have to put aside and sometimes fight off the natural tendencies that were given to us in order to live a supernatural life. One that witnesses the power of prayer, that sees breakthrough in tough times, that sees healing, that sees His Holy Spirit at work where to the natural eye you would look straight past.
I am... we are... waiting for our breakthrough, trying to put aside feelings of frustration and despair, and instead hold onto the knowledge that God is in everything with us. The promise that God has it all in hand is one we are not questioning, but when your faith is stretched, it's not gently pulled to a comfortable level, it is pulled to almost breaking point, when you think you can't take any more and then you realise that in Him you can. When you give yourself a good talking to, as my Dad constantly used to say "Just pull yourself together!", stop wasting time fretting and commit it all in prayer once again (even if it's for the hundredth time) knowing that He has heard your heart for every single breath of those prayers.
Being in this world but not of it is a tricky thing. Being able to reach out to people and show them there is so much more to life is amazing, and what is even better, is introducing them to a God that just wants to know them personally, just the way they are. And then He takes us, stretches us, grows us, matures us, and refines us until we are pure and like Him. We might be going through something that we cannot see the reasons for, we might not be able to see the outcome, and we might find it stretching our faith incredibly, but we can assure you that God is at work doing great things. Watch this space!