Just over 5 years ago was our Wedding Day, a day of promise of a life to come and many adventures ahead of us. Last year, we were blessed with the gift of a son, a brother to our two daughters, and we entered the realms of having three children under the age of three. The last 3 years we have been tackling some debt that has tried to define our lives, but instead we have been transformed. Rather than taking the view that we were missing out on so much (although we did have days like that, don’t get me wrong!) we have found that it has transformed our faith immeasurably. Getting to the last week before payday most months with around £10 (sometimes less) left in the bank account for a family of five to live on has been tough. It has meant that we have relied on our faith in God to not only keep the panic at bay and give us peace that it will all be ok, but the reality of relying on Him to provide the food on the table and the fuel in the car.
Before now, I thought I had a strong faith, one that I could rely on to guide any of my decisions, a faith that gave me guidance and direction when all logical thoughts couldn’t make sense of it all. God gave me pictures and words to help me, and my spirit directed my feelings about everything. When I have conflicting advice or the worlds view doesn’t quite sit right, I can be safe in the knowledge that God has it covered. That He has been before me and set a path for me to walk on. This path isn’t necessarily straight or obstacle free, and it isn’t always clear; but refinement comes from hardship, and maturity comes from experience. From someone who likes to know exactly what, when and how in every aspect possible, I have had to learn that as long as I know where to place my foot next, that is all that is important. What comes from the fog that can sometimes descend in a situation is the blind faith in God that has to be a daily choice. Listening to His direction, bringing all challenges to Him, laying down any worries at His feet and making the choice to do it willingly and faithfully. Sometimes it is easy to make a wise decision. To lay out all the facts and make a justified, well thought out plan, to take advice from a select few you deem wise around you and wait for everything to fall into place without any difficulty. How many times has that been your experience?! It certainly hasn’t been mine, and whilst there have been times like that, I can probably only count them on one hand, two at most.
For me, to romantically describe it as a journey of discovery would be to skim over the heartbreak, the gut wrenching despair, and the complete helplessness I have felt at times. These times have lead to a choice as to whether I let myself sink into despair, as that would be the worldly reaction, or to pull myself out and try and find the silver lining. To focus on the bigger picture, and to believe that there is a purpose to everything. I believe in a God who knows no limits, who can turn everything round for the good, and who wants me to become more and more like Him. That refinement and maturing that is required is not easy, and why should it be? When you are left with absolutely nothing, only then to you realise that you have everything you need – A God who is faithful, a God who is unwavering, a God who is mighty, and awesome and who above all has chosen YOU despite all your faults and failures. He knew us before we were born, He knows every hair on our heads, He knows our innermost thoughts and desires because He crafted us individually with purpose.
If you take one thing from this post, let it be that there is a God out there who knows you better than anyone even if you don’t know Him personally yourself. That He is above everything and is waiting for us to take the time to know Him, learn from Him, trust Him and love Him.
Nothing is beyond my God. And I wholly put my faith in Him wherever that may lead me, and our family because there is no better reason for living, that to be His servant. I cannot take my worldly possessions with me, and although in reality it can make life easier, it cannot bring me the salvation that is what truly transforms our lives, now and forever.